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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28947222">Loneliness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleStarsGoFar/pseuds/PurpleStarsGoFar'>PurpleStarsGoFar</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Emotional Realities [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Death, Delusions, DreamSMP - Freeform, Drowning, Emotional Hurt, Emotions, Established Relationship, Fear, Gay, Gen, Georgenap, Hearing Voices, Isolation, Loneliness, M/M, Minecraft, Multi, Near Death Experiences, Nightmares, Not Really Character Death, OT3, Poly, Polyamory, References to Depression, Sad, Sapnotfound - Freeform, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Video Game Mechanics, Water, dream - Freeform, dream team, dreamnap, dreamnotfound, dreamnotnap, dreamwastaken - Freeform, georgenotfound - Freeform, poly dream team, sapnap - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:47:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,624</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28947222</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleStarsGoFar/pseuds/PurpleStarsGoFar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>With every strong emotion comes a low point. Even if George isn't amazing with showing emotions, he tries his best.</p><p>But sometimes he doesn't understand why anymore, and part of him doesn't want to.<br/>---<br/>George angst with Poly Dream Team<br/>---<br/>EXTREME TW; Self-Hatred, Self-Isolation, Isolation, Depression, Drowning, Death in General, Intrusive Thoughts, Starvation (kinda)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Emotional Realities [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2122686</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>114</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Loneliness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"<em>I'm just tired...</em>"</p><p>He had said that excuse for the past few weeks, entirely believing his own words. He was positive that this wave of exhaustion would pass over fast.</p><p>Perhaps he had caught something while out in the woods cutting down trees? It wouldn't be completely unreasonable, nor would it be the first time one of the three had caught something due to the elements of the wild.</p><p>But that excuse doesn't exactly work when you wake up from a peaceful slumber and see the door barricaded with anything that would work to stop intruders from entering the room.</p><p>When it first happened he had assumed it had been some odd prank his two boyfriends were playing on him, but then he realized that the assortment of objects were placed in a way that only someone from the <em>inside</em> could have done. For some reason he found himself ignoring the possibility that he could have done it, brushing the situation off completely. He simply moved them away and left the room as if nothing had happened.</p><p>But as days went by the items kept being replaced, each time in slightly different orders as if it was testing George over time, using combinations that made it harder and harder until it could perfect its wall.</p><p>And it eventually succeeded, making George too exhausted by even the <em>thought</em> of dealing with it to even want to escape his bedroom. Originally he had slept through the days in his own prison, somehow brushing off the shouts and attempts from Dream and Sapnap to get into his room and ask if he was okay.</p><p>But soon after they gave up, George found himself unable to sleep any longer. Instead laying on his bed in silence with the only light source being a dim yellow lamp in the corner of the room. He didn't want to turn it off, he didn't want to sit in darkness.</p><p>Originally he found it kind of funny, maybe he could play it off as a prank! Then he realized how much weight he <em><span class="u">hadn't</span></em> lost and he couldn't understand why. It didn't make sense, and normally he'd get up and immediately jump into learning the reasoning of his survival.</p><p>Then he realized he <em>couldn't</em> move. <em>And then he realized that the back of his head was telling him that he <strong>didn't</strong> even want to move, let alone had to.</em></p><p>He started to panic at this development, starting to try and speak. Instead, dry sobs left his lips, making him borderline gag on nothing until he finally did start producing tears.</p><p>
  <em>He wanted out. He wanted out. He wanted out. <strong>He wanted out. He wanted <span class="u">OUT.</span></strong></em>
</p><p>But he's just <em>so</em> tired... he can't help but want to roll over and at least fake his slumber to feel as if he was doing something important.</p><p>He didn't close his eyes, but he saw the world going black around him. A few loud and fast noises, almost sounding like gunshots, rang through his head and then-</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>George gasped as he felt water threatening to enter his lungs. He coughed up the amount that had already snuck in immediately, adapting to the situation as fast as possible.</p><p>His... his room was filled with <em>water?</em> <em>Filling</em> with water? <em>And the roof was gone?</em> Paintings on the walls had scratches through them, items thrown out of drawers and his closet and floating in the water, and of course, the barricade was still up.</p><p>The sight overwhelmed him. How was he supposed to fix this mess, let alone deal with the barricade! He was trapped and he didn't know <em>what</em> to fix first let alone know <em><strong>HOW</strong></em> to fix anything first and nobody could help him because he's <span class="u"><strong><em>ALONE!</em></strong></span></p><p>A part of him would rather deal with this alone and not allow others to possibly sidetrack his goals with <em>stupid</em> jokes, and <em>stupid</em> bits, and <em>stupid</em> conversations, because <strong>EVERYONE</strong> knows that he's a stuck up brat that doesn't need <strong><em><span class="u">ANYONE</span></em></strong> and he's better when <strong><em>alone!</em></strong></p><p>The voice made him so sad... what hurt it so much to convince it of <em>that?</em></p><p>He waded through the water towards the barricade and examined it. Different parts of furniture and basic decor stuck out of it, all scratched up, bent, and broken. George wondered what caused the damage, especially because they were <em>his</em> belongings.</p><p>
  <em>But why is he even trying? It'll be so much work and he doesn't even know where he is, he should just lie down in the elegance of the sea and drown. Let the pressure overcome him and crush him to bits of solitude where he would stay forever as a corpse at the bottom of the sea. Perhaps a fish would swim by and nibble on his remains, but they will always leave in due time and he shouldn't dwell on simple fish.</em>
</p><p>He went to grab the chair in the pile to move it, only for it to disappear as soon as his fingertips came in contact. Another object fell, hitting his torso as it tumbled down. Or, almost hitting his torso. In reality it vanished right before his eyes as soon as the slightest touch was made.</p><p>
  <em>It's so tiring though, the physical contact. It made him feel like a faker. Like someone was welcoming him into their home and he was ungrateful and robbing them of attention they could spend on others. The ocean isn't like a person. Her form covers so many areas, allowing her to take in even the unwanted, such as himself.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Why won't he just <span class="u">listen?</span></em> </strong>
</p><p>Because he <em>knows</em> Dream and Sapnap still care, and he'd pass the <em><span class="u">fuck</span></em> out before he'd willingly allow himself to not see them again.</p><p>He took a long sigh, afraid at the possibility of important items being forever lost and memories being destroyed. But he was trapped for too long in here, and the items where already broken. It didn't matter. His <em>escape</em> is what matters.</p><p>The man slowly began brushing his fingers against anything he could, making sure to take it slow just in case a particularly strong wave of exhaustion hit him. It didn't take him long to realize that the barricade had grown into the halls, along with the water. At this point the man didn't even recognize some of the items in the pile.</p><p>The water seemed much more slowing than normal, George could normally pride himself about being an amazing swimmer, but for some reason, the waist-high aqua was hindering his movements to an extent he'd never seen or felt before.</p><p>But he kept onwards, ignoring the words flowing through his head and their complaints. <em>How much he hated others. How much he loved others. How tired he was. How hopeless life is. How it was all futile. How he was alone and should accept it. How the sea is calling for him to sink into the murky abyss and accept violent aquatic life as his only momentary interactions.</em></p><p>But he couldn't. He wouldn't allow it.</p><p>
  <em>But!-</em>
</p><p>He took a moment to stop and lean down, breathing in a small amount of the salty liquid in a random atempt wake himself. He lifted his head immediately when he heard another, stronger, voice call to him, speaking of how <strong><em>proud</em></strong> it was of him, how it <strong><em>loved</em></strong> him despite his <strong><em>selfishness</em></strong> and <strong><em>disgustingness,</em> </strong>how he should <strong><em>stay,</em></strong> and stay <span class="u"><strong><em>forever.</em></strong></span></p><p>If the water intake didn't wake him up, <em>that</em> sure as hell did. But atleast he had energy again and he could continue his work.</p><p>Opening his mouth, he rasped out two names he hadn't spoken outloud in a long, long, time. He was shocked at how painful it was, the overbearing taste and scent of salt hitting him like a punch to the chest.</p><p>"<em>S...ap...Sap....nap... D..r...eam?...</em>"</p><p>He felt like he betrayed the ocean's authority by speaking of another's name.</p><p>But at the mention of Sapnap, he remembered how the youngest had described his 'episodes'.</p><p>A world covered in fire, destruction, and rage. The back of his head pounding words of praise for the flames into his thought process. Reality shifting around him into an even more horrid state the longer it lasted. As the flames grew it became a wall to chase after him, and it always hurt so much when it caught him, it hurt and his head was screaming about its beauty. But when he had been consumed his lashing out in the real world would be enhanced tenfold, George knew that from experience.</p><p>...This was an <em>oddly</em> similar case, almost his own form of an altered emotional reality, but for <span class="u"><em>his</em></span> negative emotion this time.</p><p>And if Sapnap had his brain talking about fire and rage... and when the fire consumed him he lost complete control...</p><p>Then the water was <em>George's</em> fire.</p><p>The water was beckoning him to lose his sense of self so it could do whatever it wishes... and it keeps speaking of being <em>alone... and tired...</em></p><p>He was overwhelmed by his exhaustion and loneliness.</p><p>The only solution was to find Dream and Sapnap. Possible destruction could've been happening due to his sluggish pace! But he has <em><strong>NO IDEA</strong></em> where they are!</p><p>He began touching items faster and forced his legs to fight against the water. Opening his mouth, he attempted another shout.</p><p>"<em>SAPNAP! DREAM!</em>"</p><p><em>Faster,</em> George, <em>faster.</em></p><p><em><span class="u">Ignore</span></em> the ocean. Do <em><span class="u">not</span></em> give up. For <em><span class="u">them.</span></em></p><p>
  <strong> <em>For <span class="u">them.</span></em> </strong>
</p><p>"<strong><em>SAPNAP!!!!! DREAM!!!!!!! PLEASE BE HOME, FUCKING HELL!!!!</em></strong>"</p><p>He coughed, finally getting through enough of the random items to get to a messy, but not filled to the point of immobility, living room. The world outside of the home was pure bright blue sky that blinded him, he couldn't see a ground or tree for miles.</p><p>"<strong><em>PANDAS!!!! DREAMIE!!!!!</em></strong>"</p><p>He felt the water's pace quicken. <em>No, <strong>fuck,</strong> not now!</em></p><p>He rushed over to the couch to try and climb up, failing as it immediately disappeared at his attempted connection and falling a bit. He started to panic, tears filling his eyes as he froze.</p><p>Shout. <em>Shout,</em> George. <strong><em>Shout!</em></strong></p><p>Scream to the top of your lungs until your vocal cords <strong><em>bleed.</em> </strong>You <strong><em>can't</em></strong> fail. Especially not to yourself.</p><p>The ocean was welcoming him, and even if he didn't want to, his head said he did. Said <em>'she' loved him, said 'she' would care for him now, all he has to do is give up and stop <strong>resisting.</strong></em></p><p>But he didn't want to. He was stubborn and wouldn't allow it. He was screaming, <em>begging</em> that anyone could hear and help him, standing on the very tips of his toes to just get more time.</p><p>He needed more time! He needed more time to save himself! For someone to save him! Someone, <em>PLEASE</em> save him!</p><p>"<em>George!?</em>"</p><p>He whipped his head over to the direction of the voice. Yellow figures in two different shades had burst through the front door, staring at him.</p><p>"<strong><em>HELP ME!!!!</em></strong>" George shouted hoarsely through tears.</p><p>Dream and Sapnap both immediately rushed over, arms pulling the other into a violent hug that forced the air out of him and turned his world black once again.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>"<em>George!</em> Are you <em>okay?!</em>" Dream asked as the other opened his eyes and partially pulled away from the hug.</p><p>"<em>D...Dream?...</em>"</p><p>"Holy shit, I didn't know someone could cry this hard," Dream said in an attempt to mostly lighten his own mood.</p><p>"<em>D-did I cry?...</em>" George said quietly, trying not to strain his throat any more than he already had and rubbing his face with his hand to check.</p><p>"What happened?!" Sapnap asked.</p><p>George's brow furrowed as he tried to think, trying to recall what happened and figure out the facts of the situation. But the facts were muddied behind delusional coping and emotion, making it nearly impossible to be objective about it all.</p><p>That pissed him off. He'd rather be objective about this, but obviously that wasn't an option, sadly.</p><p>"<em>It was all blue... No roof, much mess, and... and water...</em>" he spoke before realizing he had even opened his mouth, "<em>and... it tried to convince me to drown...</em>"</p><p>"Holy <em>shit,</em>" Sapnap held onto the other tighter than before, whispering apologies about his absence and lack of help into George's ear.</p><p>Dream was still holding onto him as well, obviously worried for his boyfriend. But something seemed oddly off about his blank stare this time.</p><p>"<em>I-I'm happy you guys helped, even if you think you didn't,</em>" he said.</p><p>Dream snapped out of his trance, a smile growing on his face. "At least you're okay, yeah?"</p><p>"<em>I mean, my nails are messed up, and I think I might've broken some stuff...</em>"</p><p>"We can replace <em>stuff,</em>" Dream looked George in the eyes, "We <em>can't</em> replace <span class="u"><em>you.</em></span>"</p><p>George smiled softly as he felt Sapnap nod his head. George would admit to having a bit of ego a lot of the time, but sometimes he had no self esteem at all, and Sapnap and Dream always reminded him that he should love himself when that happened. (<em>To an healthy extent of course.</em>)</p><p>They made him feel genuinely important, even if out of the three he wasn't the best at showing emotion and affection, they <em>understood</em> George. Although he didn't shower them in kisses daily as they did to him, they know he loves them because of the small quirks he does to show them the same love in spirit.</p><p>And George is comfortable with having those quirks be directed at them because of <em>who</em> they are, time and time again they prove themselves worthy of the amount of trust he places in them, and that cheers him up in itself.</p><p>"<em>Thank you...</em>"</p><p>"I think you mean, <em>'You two are the coolest boyfriends ever oh my God I love you so much holy sh-'</em>"</p><p>George let out a laugh and lightly slapped Sapnap's upper back in an attempt to stop him, which easily succeeded as the other fell into his own laughter and lost the ability to speak clearly any longer. It seemed to make a chain reaction with Dream soon joining in.</p><p>"<em>You're both so dumb,</em>" George finally said as he pulled out of the hug. It's not that the British man didn't want the hugs, but that it was honestly getting sweaty and uncomfortable.</p><p>"What the hell you're already insulting us?!" Dream spoke with mock-hurt.</p><p>"<em>Yeah, I'm tired as shit and you're both sweaty as shit.</em>"</p><p>Sapnap's smile fell and he began chewing on his bottom lip with anxiety. "You... <em>you aren't going to block yourself in again, are you?</em>"</p><p>George took in a breath, thinking of what he wanted to respond with. Honestly, he was unsure if he was going to or wasn't going to, seeing as when it started he didn't even consciously do it, he simply just woke up to it like that.</p><p>"<em>I... I don't know. But if I do, don't be afraid to find a way in through trial and error, alright?</em>" He looked Sapnap in the eyes.</p><p>"Of course," Sapnap smiled, "anything for Gogy!"</p><p>George rolled his eyes and smiled back. He'd deal with the mess later, he's exhausted right now.</p><p>---</p><p>Blue loneliness cannot exist on its own, even when accompanied by rage. The isolation will not only bore the person, but they will begin to miss human contact, perhaps even feel guilt for believing that their absence wouldn't hurt the others around them.</p><p>Very often they will feel so guilty, and so touch starved, that they will do anything for praise. Because they <em>believe</em> that they owe those around them, they <em>believe</em> that they have to be the best, they <em>crave</em> the attention of the people around them so badly that they begin to force themselves to be <em>completely...</em> and <em>utterly...</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <strong> <em>Perfect.</em> </strong> </span>
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